War on Stupid

Not even a glass of brandy would calm Herbert’s nerves tonight. He walked over to the window and reflected on his surroundings.  He gulped and glanced at his reflection. He was a brandy drinker with brown fingers and spiky elbows. His nose glowed red above his thick greasy mustache. He looked at the computer screen. The video showed slope-headed buck-toothed flat earther with a bowl-cut. The mental defect was expounding on flat earth theory.

“I cannot tolerate this anymore. This is a war on stupid.” He pointed his finger at the screen like a pistol and pulled on an invisible trigger. He took a swig from the bottle and then pulled out the pistol from his belt. He held it sideways, like a gangster.

“Herbert, put the gun down,” Susan looked afraid. She set down a bag of groceries on the table.

He stared uncomprehendingly. “Susan,” he slurred, “What’s your take on global warming?” he hiccoughed and the weapon discharged. Neither were prepared for what came next. They looked at each other with equally dumbfounded expressions.

“This flat earth lunacy has made you dangerous, Herbert,” she said. Then she snatched the weapon from his grasp.

“Susan, did you know that if no air resistance is present, two objects will reach the ground at the same time if they are dropped simultaneously from the same height?”

“No Herbert. I mean yes, sure. What does this have to do with anything? You just nearly killed us or me or both of us!” She raised the weapon’s barrel pointing at his chest. She noticed his Science Man tee-shirt. “Why are we talking about falling objects Herbert? Stop changing the subject.”

“Do you know WHY these objects will fall at the same rate?” he pressed, taking a deep drink from the bottle.

“No, why Herbert.” her voice shook.

“Because GRAVITY BITCH!” Herbert lunged.

Susan took a step back but not far enough to dodge the brandy bottle swung by the neck at the end of Herbert’s reach. It arched a full one hundred and eighty degrees before impact. The bottle hit her like a hammer sending her cartwheeling over the couch.

The pistol hit the floor at the same time she did.

Published by Tim Ozman

Host of Infinite Plane Radio and Dark Matter After Midnight. Author of THE METASCRIPT DECODED : The Great Reset, World Revolution, And The Age Of Mars. Tim Ozman has been at the cutting edge of conspiracy analysis and mainstream media deconstruction since 2017. As president of the Infinite Plane Society, he has been the project manager for a number of publicity stunts, performance art events, and a growing think tank comprised of like-minded individuals.

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